Strange & Stupid: Amusing News

Onion type re-post/slightly edited article. turns out, not reals.
Johnstown, PA (GlossyNews) – One thing pop culture has taught nerds: Don’t mess with motorcycle gangs. But is seems that a group of animal rights activists in Johnstown, PA, didn’t get that message. They showed up at a bike gang rally to protest wearing leather, but three have failed to show up anywhere since. Two others who had been reported missing were found by workers “duct taped inside several fast food restaurant dumpsters,” according to police officials.

“Something just went wrong,” said a still visibly shaken organizer of the protest. “Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong.” PETA attempted to swap out throwing fake blood and cursing at old ladies in furs by trying to hit cyclists “in a hope to show them our outrage at their wanton use of leather in their clothing and motor bike seats…we decided it was high time that we let them know that we disagree with them using it…ergo, they should stop.”

Unfortunately, the hogs didn’t take so kindly to the drive by pelting of red dyed water balloons from the 1960’s Volkswagen van.

“They peed on me!!!” charged one activist. “They grabbed me, said I looked like I was French, started calling me ‘La Trene’, and duct taped me to a tree so they could pee on me all day!”
“I…I was trying to show my outrage at a man with a heavy leather jacket, and he…he didn’t even care. I called him a murderer, and all he said was, ‘You can’t prove that.’ Next thing I know he forced me to ride on the back of his motorcycle all day, and would not let me off, because his girlfriend was out of town and I was almost a woman.”

The head of the gang said that the bikers did nothing of the sort. He said that they simply invited the PETA kids to the party. When confronted with the allegations of force-feeding the activists meat, using them as latrines, leaving them taped to fast food restaurant dumpsters, and ‘farting on their heads,’ the organizer declined to comment in detail. “That’s just our secret handshake,” assured the organizer.

NH Union Leader - Mid-heist, a surprised burglar ran home when an equally surprised homeowner called police.
The attempted theft occurred at 10:30 a Monday. When police went to Russell Brown’s home, the 44 year old apologized to the family for his attempted burglary. He is being held on bail.

NH UNION LEADER - A Concord woman is being held on bail after facing 3 drunk driving charges in 1 week. Particia Mondro, 55, has been deemed a hazard to herself and her community.
She was arrested most recently by state police Friday, when she drove her Ford Focus into a truck. She was driving southbound between exits 13 and 12 with no headlights. She was charged with driving while intoxicated and violation of conditions of bail because she had pending DWI charges.
Oh Thursday, in the same area of 93 in Concord, she crashed into a guard rail.
Jan. 16 she was arrested in the Londonderry parking lot for the Manchester Airport.

Silvina’s cute cute baby giggling.

25-yr-old Richard Anthony Flores Jr. was picked up on 2 charges of reckless driving after speeding down U.S. 60 in Az with his head out the sun roof.

Warsaw (Reuters)- A fine of 2.3 million zlotys has been levied on an unemployed woman who failed to pay over 13 million zlotys in tax on her work as a prostitute.
The fine, worth about $820,000, is for work with “generous” customers, said the slut, who claimed that one of her clients paid the woman 5 million zlotys for her work from 1997-2002.

LONDON (Reuters) - A bookie is outright refusing to pay out on a bet made about Christmas snow in the UK as he says it goes against the rules. Ladbrokes is denying the 7 million pounds to the bet “winner,” as the bookie’s rules are against accumulator bets on nature. Cliff Bryant, 52, is seeking legal council for his over $11 million winnings, and Ladbrokes is trying to pay him the going rate for a single bet, 31.78 pounds.

I would re-write this, but it is so epic I’ll just jack it directly from the Boston Herald.

Chelsea rabbit rapist convicted of cruelty
By Edward Mason
Friday, January 8, 2010 - Added 14h ago
Animal lovers be warned - this report is not for the squeamish.

Abel Aguirre, 38, of Chelsea was convicted yesterday of animal cruelty for having sex with his roommate’s rabbit, the Suffolk County District Attorney’s Office said. He faces up to 2 years in the House of Correction and a $2,500 fine at sentencing today.

Aguirre assaulted the rabbit June 1, 2008, district attorney spokesman Jake Wark said. Aguirre’s roommate told investigators she came home and found blood and clumps of rabbit fur on the bathroom floor and a claw belonging to the bunny. In Aguirre’s room, she found a used condom with rabbit fur on it. The rabbit was injured and bleeding.

“My jaw hit the floor,” one juror said about the disturbing testimony. The rabbit has died, but not of its injuries, Wark said.

1. Some Icelanders believe in the hidden people — called huldufólk — and a few claim to have seen them. They are analogous to elves, but are often considered separate. There is even a museum in Reykjavík devoted to the hidden people. This is an ancient Icelandic belief and most Icelanders respect the tradition. Skepticism thus can appear rude.
2. If speaking English, Icelanders may use the word fuck more often than expected by Anglophones. Brusque opinions are commonly expressed and should not be taken badly.

also, Múm is better than Sigur Ros.
[just saying.]