Strange & Stupid: Amusing News

Our proud parents of the day got high on meth and then let little Timmy toddle his way into the walls. Then they laughed until their scars hurt.

STANLEY, N.C. — Two 19-year old parents stand to face child abuse charges after recording their blindfolded son running into walls.
The video shows the “parents” blindfolding their 11-month-old son and watching him fall on his face and run into walls.

Burgess told NewsChannel 36 on Thursday that the video looks worse than it was. She said her son was not injured and the family was just having fun.
Delmer Frank James Doss and Amber Lynn Burgess are out on bond. The child remains in Burgess’ care.

WILKES-BARRE, Pa. (AP) ―After having a friend DIE on their couch, two young 20-somethings stole the woman’s credit card and rang up over $1,000 in charges.

Michael Wheaton, 25, and Sabrina Tomcho, 20, have been charged for fraudulent banking activity. Police believe the couple stole the card while emergency medical technicians tried to revive 40-year-old Kimberly Rose Lacey.

DELTONA, FL (AP) - One bitchy ass Floridian mom got what she deserved when she unplugged her 19-yr-old son’s XBox mid-game.
Zachary, in a blind rage, THREW A TACO at his 54-yr-old mother when she unplugged his TV. Why? Because he wouldn’t come downstairs for dinner.

Zach is being held without bail in the Volusia County Branch Jail for domestic violence battery.

KERRVILLE, Texas (AP) - Prosecutors are looking into claims that a woman called 911 30 times within a 6-month period for non-emergency reasons. The 53-year old faces charges of 911 abuse for calling to complain when her husband refused to eat his dinner.

Shelbyville, TN- A couple has been arrested on domestic assault charges with dangerous weaponry — Cheetos.

Warrants filed after 40-yr-old James Earl Taylor and 44-yr-old Mary S. Childers heatedly argued.

According to an officer’s report, the pair became “involved in a verbal altercation” with each other “at which time Cheetos potato chips were used in the assault.”
“There was evidence of the assault,” the report read, “however no physical marks on either party and the primary aggressor was unable to be determined.”

Both Taylor and Childers were charged by Roddy with domestic assault. Both posted a bond of $2,500 and will appear in Bedford County General Sessions Court on July 15.

And you thought parties were always a good idea….

The CDC is warning parents against hosting swine flu parties for their children.   These true-to-life whackos are hoping that early exposure will help protect thier children against stronger strains of the H1N1 virus.

KISSIMMEE - We’ve all locked our keys in the car and thought “oh, fuck.”  But -yr-old did quite the opposite the other day, when she frantically called 911 from INSIDE her car.

“My car will not start, I’m locked inside my car. I cannot open my car. I can’t get the windows down,” the caller said. “Nothing electrical works. And it’s getting very hot in here and I’m not feeling well. And I need some help.”

The dispatcher kindly told the woman she should be “able to pull the lock up on the door even if it’s electrical.” (probably while holding back uncontrollable laughter, a feat few could do in this situation)

The caller began by saying she tried that, but a second later she was able to unlock the door.

She hung up and went on her way.

You get married.  You go to the party.  You dance.  You drink.  You drive home.  Newlywed heaven.  Or is it?

26-yr-old Jade McClane married Billy Puckett, also 26, on March 14.  But after a drunken driving arrest, their first night *not* living in sin was spent separate. The two spent the night in separate man-cages, McClane still in her gown.  Puckett was charged with driving drunk, where the little lady was charged with belligerence and public intoxication.

McClane has filed a complaint with the Harris County Sheriff’s Department alleging harsh treatment and filthy jail conditions.  She is upset that she was not offered a change of clothes, but worse, there were continual interruptions of rest throughout the night.  What caused the stirring of a cell with 15-20 women?

Why, patrolmen and deputies were opening the door to gawk at the blushing bride!

And what have we learned, kids?  DONT DRINK AND DRIVE!  [especially on your goddamned wedding!]

A Corpus Christi school is being accused of having a special “fight club” with its students: a special-ed club created for the teachers’ entertainment.

9 employees at Corpus Christi State School are being invesitaged for participation in fight-picking between mentally disabled residents.  And of course, recording all of the action.

The videos, found on 30-yr-old employee Timpthy Dixon’s cell, showed 2 residents punching each other while staff watched and cheered.  Choking each other, one thew the other to the floor.  An employee then kicked the guy while he was down.

“Appalling,” said Dem State Rep Abel Herrero.  “Completely unacceptable.  It’s important that the state exhaust every resource to once and for all ensure the safety and well-being of ou state’s most vulnerable population.

The workers are currently on leave.  No word on whether it’s paid or unpaid.

MTV- Miley Cyrus can probably meet anyone she wants to these days. After all, she is the face of the Disney Teen Queen generation.

But there is one group of guys that aren’t having any of it: Despite Miley’s best efforts last month at the Grammy Awards to get some face time with Radiohead, she failed miserably.

“I’m like, these are the people I really want to meet,” Miley said on the Johnjay and Rich morning radio show on Tuesday. “I’d freak out. They’re my rock gods. These are the only people I would cry over.”

The 16-year-old pop star tried to use her people to make it happen when they were all at the February 8 awards show. “[I told my manager], ‘Pull as many strings.’ My manger asked and said, ‘Miley’s really obsessed.’ And they were like, ‘We don’t really do that.’ “

Her disappointment was especially hard because “they’re the reason I love music,” she said. “Just to say you don’t really do that — it’s not like I was going to bring my crew. I had already texted all my friends that my life will be complete [if I got to meet them].

“We were all freaking out,” she recalled, saying their snub was “obnoxious.” “This is someone I would cry over.”

Devastated, Cyrus didn’t even stick around to see Thom Yorke and crew perform during the show. “I left ’cause I was so upset. I wasn’t going to watch. Stinkin’ Radiohead!” she said. “I’m gonna ruin them, I’m going to tell everyone.”

Good luck RUINING THEM, ya turd.